Get Up and Walk

I find stories from the Bible humbling. Especially if I've been complaining about "stuff"--scripture is like, "oh, really? Hold my...grape juice."

So there's this guy's story in John 5. Here's what we know about him:

A man was there who had been ill for thirty-eight years...

Wait, what? There's a lesson right there. So often we are so impatient with our circumstances (I know I can be). Suffering can seem never-ending.This guy had been so close to being healed for decades, and yet remained incapacitated. BUT, God used these lengthy years to grow this man, show us a miracle, and teach people life-changing lessons.

Jesus saw him lying there, and knew that he had already been a long time in that condition.

God sees us, He understands our situation, He's aware of our hurts, struggles, and fear. To me, I find this comforting. The fact that I serve a God who knows what burdens my heart helps me to not feel alone.

He said to him, "Do you wish to get well?"

This seems like a dumb question. He's been ill for a LONG time, he's sitting by a pool for healing, of course, Jesus, he wants to get better...right? Except that we forget, Jesus KNOWS what this man is dealing with and knows the attitude of his heart. This is exactly the question this man needs; we will see this with his response. If he is healed, it will change EVERYTHING about how he has been living his life. When we experience Jesus, we should be ready for him to upset everything about our life. He shows up and won't leave you the same. But he doesn't force His way into our lives, just like this question, he asks and waits for us to accept his invitation.

The sick man answered Him, "Sir, I have no man to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up, but while I am coming, another steps down before me."

Before we talk about what this man says, let's talk about what he doesn't say. He doesn't say, "Why, yes, Jesus." That would be the right answer to Jesus' question. But instead, he gives excuses as to why he hasn't been healed, and blames two other groups of people for why he's still in this place. It's easy to blame others, blame our circumstances, our past, etc., for what's going on in our life, but that's not what Jesus cared about at that moment. Jesus asked what the man wanted, if he wanted things to change, if he wanted to live his best life.

Jesus said to him, Get up, pick up your pallet and walk." Immediately the man became well...

This is awesome! A miracle! But let's unpack it a bit. Jesus tells him first to "get up." Before the miracle  happened, Jesus asks this man to move, to go, to step. And this isn't the only time this happens with Jesus' miracles. Jesus wants us to take a step of faith, and watch the miracle happen as we move closer to him, closer to our best life.

Water to Wine: How the Miracle ACTUALLY happens

I love stories. I love that stories, while in their own right, have significant and impact, I especially love stories that have significance beyond just the plot.

I think that's exactly what the stories of the Bible are meant for: it's more than just an isolated event thousands of years ago, it's meant to show us how God works and how he interacts with us.

I spent some time reading through the New Testament book of John a few months ago. I love this book because it's purpose is to show just how much Jesus IS God. His first miracle in the book takes place at a wedding, and it's turning water into wine. While that sounds cool in itself, I love what this story reveals about how God works.

The mother of Jesus said to Him, "They have no wine."

This woman KNOWS. She raised this baby up to be a man. She's seen his wisdom, his work, his holiness. She offers him the problem and KNOWS that he will have a solution. I love that! She doesn't tell God what to do, she just offers up the concern and then has faith to watch Jesus work it out in the best way.

Now there were six stone water pots set there for the Jewish custom of purification...

Someone put those pots there. Someone, before this miracle was recorded, maybe even before the wedding started, placed those empty stone jars for a purpose, but maybe NOT the purpose God was going to use them for. These water vessels could be seen as an opportunity, not one that people expected, but one that God would use anyway.

...containing twenty or thirty gallons each.

This is important later. Think: heavy lifting.

Jesus said to them, "fill the water pots with water."

Sometimes, God does huge transformations, performs massive miracles, parts the sea, floods the earth, etc. It's awesome. But how often does that happen in our own lives? Not a lot. I think God's commands are usually simple instructions. Guidance for daily steps forward. Wisdom in the form of forward momentum. God's like, "Do this next right thing, and trust me." We miss a lot of opportunities if all we are looking for is the parting of the skies and crazy visions. God's work in our lives is often quiet, and gentle instructions.

So they filled them up to the brim.

Remember how big those pots are? 20-30 gallons. And they are probably having to draw the water from a well, or maybe worse, have to walk to a river. So a gallon of water is 8.34 pounds (I googled it), times 25 is 208.5 pounds. ADD TO THAT the weight of a LARGE clay pot. See what I mean? Heavy lifting. God sometimes asks us to do some heavy lifting, some hard stuff. It may be simple, but rarely is it easy. It requires some muscle, maybe physically (as is the case here), but often it requires our discipline, perseverance, and grit. But wait! There's more! They filled them to the brim. I've hauled water enough having horses to know that if you fill that bucket to the brim, you'll drench your ankles by the time you get back to the barn! But these servants filled them up, maybe even grumbled along the way (the story doesn't say), and probably were incredibly careful not to spill ANY of it. I'd be saying, "I better not have to go back for more, this is tough!" But these people were intentional about bringing God the whole thing, a job well done, all the effort and care they could. I think sometimes we just cast prayers up to God, we just mention him in conversation, we show up at church once in a while, but perhaps the principle here is that we need to bring to God obedience wrapped in intentionally and devotion. (Sorry, that was a lot! I just love that part!)

And He said to them, "Draw some out now and take it to the headwaiter." So they took it to him. When the head waiter tasted the water which has become wine, and did not know where it came from (but the servants who had drawn the water knew)..."you have kept the gone wine until now."

I'm sure the servants, carefully set the jars down, looked at Jesus, looked back at the water, looked at Jesus, and shrugged. (At least that's what I see in my mind.) No miracle yet. And all that work! Jesus is like, "excellent work ladies and gentlemen, now that you've done all that hard one, ONE MORE THING..." But sometimes we have to work for our miracle. So they scoop some out and carry to the head waiter (glance back and forth at each other skeptically). But that miracle happened IN THEIR HANDS and ON THE WAY. Coudn't Jesus have just poofed the water into the jars in the first place? Or have just magically created wine from nothing? Yep. But these servants got to be not only the witnesses, but active participants in God's miracle. I truly think that the miracle was not for the bride and groom of the wedding, but for the servants and Jesus' disciples who were watching.

God's working miracles; he sets opportunities in front of us DAILY. We choose to notice them and then participate...or not. Our hearts have to be sensitive to the moments and obedient to his call. What do you see from this parable? Leave a comment about how this resonates with you!

Gazing

A few nights ago I found myself laying in bed, mentally rehearsing an imaginary conversation in my head, thinking about a couple of the horses who have issues, and overwhelmed by the problems of the world. Needless to say, I didn't get much sleep.

I was glancing through my journal and came upon a powerful statement from the Proverbs 31 ministry podcast:

Glance at your problems, but gaze on Jesus.

I also had another note from the First 5 App that was similar:

Our faith is determined by our focus.

How often do we find that our minds are focused on all the stuff, all the chaos, all of the problems. It's just common sense: what we look at is what we see. If we constantly notice the mess, we miss a potential message. If all I'm looking at is my social media, the news, books about fantasy worlds, the muddy mess of my pastures, then of course things will look bleak and scary. The idea of "glancing" at our problems means we see the troubles, we aren't oblivious, but our vision doesn't stay there, our eyes move elsewhere.

Taste and SEE that the Lord is good. (Psalm 34:8)

I love that we live out in the country. Breathtaking sights are all around us. It reminds me of a God who pays attention to details and had the wisdom to create seasons, possesses the magnitude to place the stars, and the love for us to paint gorgeous sunsets every evening. If I have faith in the God who made this amazing world, then I can trust that he can control it. But will we notice? What are we looking at? Will we turn the focus of our heart to this omnipotent (all-powerful), omnipresent (all-present), omniscient (all-knowing) God. I can see that God has been faithful to me and my family in my lifetime. I can read the words of scripture and be encouraged by his promises of love, life, peace, and joy in all circumstances.

Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us (those who have gone before us and lived by faith), let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, FIXING OUR EYES ON JESUS, the Author and Perfector of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. (Hebrews 12:1-3)

Psalm 51: Leave the Old Normal Behind

These days are a far cry from normal. And yet, I've heard many people say they look forward when things get back to "normal." But I don't know that I can agree with them, or want to agree with them. Yes, there were (are) some amazing people doing amazing things, and this whole corona virus isolation has put a lot of that on hold--but I'm not talking about those things. The day in and day out grind, the pettiness on Facebook, the #FirstWorldProbs that flood our lives, the busyness of activities, sports, on and on and on...

So far, I've spent a lot of time with the three amazing dudes in my house. We've gone on walks around our property, played board games, eaten EVERY meal together, sent LETTERS to cousins, cooked some great meals...it's been amazing. And challenging. But so GOOD.

I just chatted with my Sis-in-law about how this event will be a defining moment in this generation's history, for good or for bad.

Psalm 51 is so painful; a pleading with God to cleanse and purify, heal and restore. There's a desperation in the voice of the writer, and I think a lot of us resonate with it, at least from time to time. I also believe that it is incredibly relevant to this time we are living in: here we are isolated, desperate, stressed, pressured. Perhaps these words of the psalmist could be used, asking God to create in me a clean heart, and renew a steadfast spirit within me...

I've been challenged these last few days to think about what is really important, to create a new "normal." I've been asking God to restore to me the joy of [God's] salvation and sustain me with a willing [and joyful] spirit. In whatever circumstances we face, in our tiredness, our stretched out emotions, off-track thoughts, derailed life, we need a constant joy, a holy focus, and steady Redeemer that can remind us of what we are really on this Earth for: praise for our Creator, surrender to His work in us, and peace about his control over eternity.

Our attitudes and spirits need a solid dose of humility, and perhaps with this perspective we can open our hands to heaven and surrender to our Good God.

Be gracious to me, O God, according to Your loving kindness; 
According to the greatness of Your compassion blot out my transgression.
Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin.
...
Make me to hear joy and gladness, let the bones which You have broken rejoice.
...
O Lord, open my lips, that my mouth may declare Your praise.

What do these verses say to you? How do they resonate in your life right now?

Psalm 34: All or Nothing

Ask my husband, my attitude is all or nothing" I'm an "I must always..." and "I will never..." kind of person. It probably stems from my Enneagram 1 personality, this pursuit of the right thing, and that there is only one right thing. (I'm slowly learning to be more generous, however).

But that's probably why I love this psalm so much. It's an all or nothing type of attitude about God.

I will bless the Lord at ALL times...
His praise shall CONTINUALLY be in my mouth...
He answered me, and delivered me from ALL my fears...
And saved him out of ALL his troubles...
For those who fear (revere) him there is NO want...
But they who seek the Lord shall not be in want of ANY good thing...

Absolutes can be confining, but in this case, I think they are meant to be incredibly freeing. I find that when I'm not intentionally focused on faith, I compartmentalize God's work in my life. I see him at church. But then the rest of my life I don't invite him in. It's best if he works in ALL areas of our life--that he's the answer to ALL our prayers--that EVERY dicey situation is placed in his control--that we understand that spiritual blessings are WAY better than any material desire.

I guess my goals for the year echo this psalm (totally unintentionally on my part, must be God doing his thing):
Find joy in EVERYthing
Surrender ALL things to Him
Speak lovingly ALWAYS

And then this psalm goes on to teach us how to do this and what this looks like:

Keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking deceit.
Depart from evil and do good; Seek peace and pursue it.
Many are the afflictions of the righteous, But the Lord delivers him out of them all. 

Well, crap. That's tough. No hurtful words, do good, have peace--and you'll still have hard times. It's like, thanks for the help, God--and he's like, "Exactly." He reminds us at the end, that He WILL deliver us out of ALL our troubles. We will walk through shadows, darkness, emptiness, loneliness. But God will be there, reaching out His hand to pull us up, provide wisdom for questions we ask, healing for hurts. That gives me such incredible hope, security, and courage to take the next step in life.

What about you? How does this passage challenge your thinking and encourage you?

Psalm 139: In the Dark

You have searched me...
You understand my thought...
You scrutinize my path...
Intimately acquainted with all my ways...
You know it all...

There are times when I've read this and felt ashamed that God would have access to all that information. I am so far from perfect, especially in my words and thoughts, and to have a perfect God see a running feed of all of that makes me embarrassed and shocked that He would still love me. And yet today, I find that incredibly comforting. God KNOWS me--intimately, personally, lovingly, mercifully--and he knows it ALL, beyond just me and my kitchen island where I sit and write this. There's a steadiness in being tethered to one who is solid and wise.

If I say, "Surely the darkness will overwhelm me, And the light around me will be night,"
Even the darkness is not dark to You and the night is as bright as the day.

Last night we were finishing up chores at the barn, and what felt like just a few yards away we heard the yipping and tumbling and jawing of coyotes. Like REALLY close. And with the way our valley is shaped, it echos, no joke, like special effects from a horror movie. And while I wanted to offer some protection for my horses (do coyotes eat horses?), I couldn't see them, and though they sounded close, I'm sure they were scattered up the hill further than my senses really understood. Walking through life is like that. It's like standing on my front porch at night with the lights on: I can see where I'm standing, but goodness, it is dark past that porch. There are sounds echoing up to me that I can't place--but God knows all of that, he sees me, my spot, as well as all that is beyond my limited perspective.

Search me, O God, and know my heart; 
Try me and know my anxious thoughts;
And see if there be any hurtful way in me,
And lead me in the everlasting way.

This last year I've gone through a lot of spiritual growth. We've had some challenging times as a family, as well as some amazing moments and opportunities. I am constantly asking God to make me better, grow my faith, burn out my selfishness, and shape my thoughts and words. That's where this blog title comes from: the desire to honestly look at myself, the Word of God, and move forward in faith.

This year my goal has been three-fold (well two-fold, and then I had to add another):
See JOY in everything. Literally everything.
Surrender it ALL to Jesus. Literally everything.
Speak in Love. Yes, literally every word.

Where do you stand in all this? What does this psalm say to you? What weighs on your anxious heart?

Starting this Next chapter

Wow, it's one thing to read about history, but to be living it?

We also understood that our world had gotten smaller, but these last few weeks we have truly experienced the full weight of our global connections.

We've watched as the shelves have gotten emptier, not over a few months, but in moments, those ever-full shelves at our favorite grocery store have been wiped clean.

Trips, parties, meetings, plans...all of them are now tentative as we can't see what the future will hold.

And I had considered homeschooling for like half a second; I guess now I'll get to see if I'm any good at it.

I feel an incredible burden this morning. A responsibility to my boys, to help them academically over the coming weeks, but also to offer character and spiritual growth in light of circumstances that are totally bizarre. I feel a weight for my high school students, knowing I sent some of them out the door yesterday with a small bit of work and no way to contact them (since they don't have internet at home). I also feel I'm supposed to open this blog back up. I love writing--crafting the right words to fit the shape of my thoughts and emotions--and I feel as though this time is a great season to begin again. I began this blog as an opportunity to share my heart about Bible passages, offer truth and encouragement, as well as insight into what I was reading.

I think it will be a beautiful challenge, to walk through this time of uncertainty and reflect on the promises of God. Would love your feedback and thoughts, always! Praying for you and hoping to encourage you!