Water to Wine: How the Miracle ACTUALLY happens

I love stories. I love that stories, while in their own right, have significant and impact, I especially love stories that have significance beyond just the plot.

I think that's exactly what the stories of the Bible are meant for: it's more than just an isolated event thousands of years ago, it's meant to show us how God works and how he interacts with us.

I spent some time reading through the New Testament book of John a few months ago. I love this book because it's purpose is to show just how much Jesus IS God. His first miracle in the book takes place at a wedding, and it's turning water into wine. While that sounds cool in itself, I love what this story reveals about how God works.

The mother of Jesus said to Him, "They have no wine."

This woman KNOWS. She raised this baby up to be a man. She's seen his wisdom, his work, his holiness. She offers him the problem and KNOWS that he will have a solution. I love that! She doesn't tell God what to do, she just offers up the concern and then has faith to watch Jesus work it out in the best way.

Now there were six stone water pots set there for the Jewish custom of purification...

Someone put those pots there. Someone, before this miracle was recorded, maybe even before the wedding started, placed those empty stone jars for a purpose, but maybe NOT the purpose God was going to use them for. These water vessels could be seen as an opportunity, not one that people expected, but one that God would use anyway.

...containing twenty or thirty gallons each.

This is important later. Think: heavy lifting.

Jesus said to them, "fill the water pots with water."

Sometimes, God does huge transformations, performs massive miracles, parts the sea, floods the earth, etc. It's awesome. But how often does that happen in our own lives? Not a lot. I think God's commands are usually simple instructions. Guidance for daily steps forward. Wisdom in the form of forward momentum. God's like, "Do this next right thing, and trust me." We miss a lot of opportunities if all we are looking for is the parting of the skies and crazy visions. God's work in our lives is often quiet, and gentle instructions.

So they filled them up to the brim.

Remember how big those pots are? 20-30 gallons. And they are probably having to draw the water from a well, or maybe worse, have to walk to a river. So a gallon of water is 8.34 pounds (I googled it), times 25 is 208.5 pounds. ADD TO THAT the weight of a LARGE clay pot. See what I mean? Heavy lifting. God sometimes asks us to do some heavy lifting, some hard stuff. It may be simple, but rarely is it easy. It requires some muscle, maybe physically (as is the case here), but often it requires our discipline, perseverance, and grit. But wait! There's more! They filled them to the brim. I've hauled water enough having horses to know that if you fill that bucket to the brim, you'll drench your ankles by the time you get back to the barn! But these servants filled them up, maybe even grumbled along the way (the story doesn't say), and probably were incredibly careful not to spill ANY of it. I'd be saying, "I better not have to go back for more, this is tough!" But these people were intentional about bringing God the whole thing, a job well done, all the effort and care they could. I think sometimes we just cast prayers up to God, we just mention him in conversation, we show up at church once in a while, but perhaps the principle here is that we need to bring to God obedience wrapped in intentionally and devotion. (Sorry, that was a lot! I just love that part!)

And He said to them, "Draw some out now and take it to the headwaiter." So they took it to him. When the head waiter tasted the water which has become wine, and did not know where it came from (but the servants who had drawn the water knew)..."you have kept the gone wine until now."

I'm sure the servants, carefully set the jars down, looked at Jesus, looked back at the water, looked at Jesus, and shrugged. (At least that's what I see in my mind.) No miracle yet. And all that work! Jesus is like, "excellent work ladies and gentlemen, now that you've done all that hard one, ONE MORE THING..." But sometimes we have to work for our miracle. So they scoop some out and carry to the head waiter (glance back and forth at each other skeptically). But that miracle happened IN THEIR HANDS and ON THE WAY. Coudn't Jesus have just poofed the water into the jars in the first place? Or have just magically created wine from nothing? Yep. But these servants got to be not only the witnesses, but active participants in God's miracle. I truly think that the miracle was not for the bride and groom of the wedding, but for the servants and Jesus' disciples who were watching.

God's working miracles; he sets opportunities in front of us DAILY. We choose to notice them and then participate...or not. Our hearts have to be sensitive to the moments and obedient to his call. What do you see from this parable? Leave a comment about how this resonates with you!

Psalm 34: All or Nothing

Ask my husband, my attitude is all or nothing" I'm an "I must always..." and "I will never..." kind of person. It probably stems from my Enneagram 1 personality, this pursuit of the right thing, and that there is only one right thing. (I'm slowly learning to be more generous, however).

But that's probably why I love this psalm so much. It's an all or nothing type of attitude about God.

I will bless the Lord at ALL times...
His praise shall CONTINUALLY be in my mouth...
He answered me, and delivered me from ALL my fears...
And saved him out of ALL his troubles...
For those who fear (revere) him there is NO want...
But they who seek the Lord shall not be in want of ANY good thing...

Absolutes can be confining, but in this case, I think they are meant to be incredibly freeing. I find that when I'm not intentionally focused on faith, I compartmentalize God's work in my life. I see him at church. But then the rest of my life I don't invite him in. It's best if he works in ALL areas of our life--that he's the answer to ALL our prayers--that EVERY dicey situation is placed in his control--that we understand that spiritual blessings are WAY better than any material desire.

I guess my goals for the year echo this psalm (totally unintentionally on my part, must be God doing his thing):
Find joy in EVERYthing
Surrender ALL things to Him
Speak lovingly ALWAYS

And then this psalm goes on to teach us how to do this and what this looks like:

Keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking deceit.
Depart from evil and do good; Seek peace and pursue it.
Many are the afflictions of the righteous, But the Lord delivers him out of them all. 

Well, crap. That's tough. No hurtful words, do good, have peace--and you'll still have hard times. It's like, thanks for the help, God--and he's like, "Exactly." He reminds us at the end, that He WILL deliver us out of ALL our troubles. We will walk through shadows, darkness, emptiness, loneliness. But God will be there, reaching out His hand to pull us up, provide wisdom for questions we ask, healing for hurts. That gives me such incredible hope, security, and courage to take the next step in life.

What about you? How does this passage challenge your thinking and encourage you?

Psalm 139: In the Dark

You have searched me...
You understand my thought...
You scrutinize my path...
Intimately acquainted with all my ways...
You know it all...

There are times when I've read this and felt ashamed that God would have access to all that information. I am so far from perfect, especially in my words and thoughts, and to have a perfect God see a running feed of all of that makes me embarrassed and shocked that He would still love me. And yet today, I find that incredibly comforting. God KNOWS me--intimately, personally, lovingly, mercifully--and he knows it ALL, beyond just me and my kitchen island where I sit and write this. There's a steadiness in being tethered to one who is solid and wise.

If I say, "Surely the darkness will overwhelm me, And the light around me will be night,"
Even the darkness is not dark to You and the night is as bright as the day.

Last night we were finishing up chores at the barn, and what felt like just a few yards away we heard the yipping and tumbling and jawing of coyotes. Like REALLY close. And with the way our valley is shaped, it echos, no joke, like special effects from a horror movie. And while I wanted to offer some protection for my horses (do coyotes eat horses?), I couldn't see them, and though they sounded close, I'm sure they were scattered up the hill further than my senses really understood. Walking through life is like that. It's like standing on my front porch at night with the lights on: I can see where I'm standing, but goodness, it is dark past that porch. There are sounds echoing up to me that I can't place--but God knows all of that, he sees me, my spot, as well as all that is beyond my limited perspective.

Search me, O God, and know my heart; 
Try me and know my anxious thoughts;
And see if there be any hurtful way in me,
And lead me in the everlasting way.

This last year I've gone through a lot of spiritual growth. We've had some challenging times as a family, as well as some amazing moments and opportunities. I am constantly asking God to make me better, grow my faith, burn out my selfishness, and shape my thoughts and words. That's where this blog title comes from: the desire to honestly look at myself, the Word of God, and move forward in faith.

This year my goal has been three-fold (well two-fold, and then I had to add another):
See JOY in everything. Literally everything.
Surrender it ALL to Jesus. Literally everything.
Speak in Love. Yes, literally every word.

Where do you stand in all this? What does this psalm say to you? What weighs on your anxious heart?

Unexpected: Beyond Limitations

I am, unfortunately, very critical of myself. It drives my husband nuts because I can tear myself down with a smile on my face. And I don't even realize I'm doing it. There are weaknesses, dark spots, areas that are broken and scarred in my heart and soul, but God doesn't want those to remain that way. He is a Healer.

Christine tells the story of the lame man in the Bible, and when Jesus encounters him, asks, "Do you want to be healed?" (John 5). Kind of a crazy question to ask someone who is sick, like, "Hey bro, I know you've got that bad flu, do you really want to get better?" Um, yes.

However, the crippled man, instead of saying "YES!" gave an excuse. Yeah, the Creator of the Universe, the Messiah, is standing in front of him and he gives an excuse as to why he isn't whole. We do that to. "Jesus knows it's so easy for us to grow accustomed to our limitations--to be defined by them, to make allowances for them--and not really want to pay the price of change. He knows how easy it is for us to settle for where we are and to live a smaller life than what he's called us to." It's easier to stay where we are, to not dig deep and let Jesus repair our brokenness, fill the holes.

And yet, "When Jesus poses his unexpected question to us, we have a choice to make. We can focus on our limitations and problems, or embrace the miraculous possibility he offers us. We can run away saying a loud no, or run forward proclaiming a loud yes."

I want to embrace that choice and proclaim YES! Whether it be working in my soul, my relationships, my children, my career...I want to confront fear, weakness, disillusionment and charge forward in faith and healing. Doesn't that sound awesome? Will it be tough? But "when did God say that it would be easy? When did he say it would be effortless?"

"Closed doors do not mean that God is not opening a way. 
Increased cost does not mean that God is not calling.
The presence of battle does not mean the absence of God in the war.
Trials don't mean we are out of the will of God. In fact, they often mean we are precisely in the center of God's will....When we say yes to God--to the dreams and ideas he places in our hearts--the roads are often winding, uphill, uncharted, and full of pot-holes" but it is ALWAYS worth it. Always. 

Problem of Pain: The End and Beginning

You guys, this book took me F.O.R.E.V.E.R. to get through, however, it closes in such a sweet, warm gentleness, that it was completely worth it. 

C.S. Lewis spends this whole book working through the complicated issues of pain, sin, humanity, repentance, and love. We wrestle with that age-old question of how could a Good God allow his creation to suffer? And while there is no real, simple answer, essentially Lewis concludes that it is because of our free, independent, and often arrogant soul that causes us pain, along with the cohabitation with other free, independent and often arrogant souls. Additionally, it is through pain that we recognize our need for our Creator and Savior.

However, Lewis reminds us that "Our Father refreshes us on the journey with some pleasant inns, but will not encourage us to mistake them for home." His final chapter breathes sweet tellings of heaven. All the pain is nothing compared to the incredible experience heaven will be (Romans 8:18). And while he feels that "there have been times when I think we do not desire heaven; but more often I find myself wondering whether, in our heart of hearts, we have ever desired anything else."

If indeed there is a Good God, and if indeed he is our Creator, and if indeed we recognize when our experiences give us miraculous glimpses of heaven, we can perhaps recognize that there must be some beautiful place of healing, wholeness, and union. And what an encouragement that is! 

Capital Gaines: Marriage

Marriage is a fascinating creature. Each has it's own personality beyond the two it joins together. Some are fiery, some peaceful, some rambunctious, some tumultuous, and a million other adjectives. Mine: STEADY. I'm an introverted, consistent home-body who is married to a gracious, compassionate, intelligent, and genuinely fabulous (and occasionally spontaneous) husband. We don't do audacious things, but approach life pretty thoughtfully, focusing on the few things we find valuable. Chip and Jo are self-confessed opposites, so her calculated and cautious approach and his go-get-'em spontaneity seem to balance one another out successfully. I guess you could say, their marriage is planned adventurousness. But in both our cases, it works for us.

Chip and Joanna are honest about what makes their marriage work. Respectful and loving. Regular date-nights.  And "slack in the rope to make mistakes." But probably most importantly, they let God lead them, both as individuals and as a couple:

"...we both walk in authority in the areas of our natural God-given strengths, and that seems to be what makes working together so seamless in our case. As we've learned to harness these opposing characteristics and shore up each other's weaknesses, we've managed to make this working-together thing look pretty easy." 

They trust each other's judgment. They know who they are. They support each other completely, because, "Who wouldn't want to spend all of their time with someone who loves them for who they are and believes the very best about them, who encourages them to fight for their dreams and is the first one to jump in and fight by their side?"

"Life can be tough, and the world can be cruel and relentless. So far as I can see, the point of marriage is to have a partner, a friend for the long journey ahead."

I can't imagine doing life without my husband. I wouldn't be where I am today if I didn't have him. He gives me confidence to wake up each day and tackle life's challenges. He encourages me to be the absolute BEST version of myself, while forgiving me for my shortcomings. (As I read their books, I really want Austin and I to be another Chip and Joanna.) The reality is, we can't be, but we can be our own version of an example of a healthy, vibrant, God-driven marriage in a world filled with turmoil and selfishness.

Raising an Original

Raising an Original by Julie Lyles Carr was a profound and fun read! Her witty style and large family make for entertaining tales that stretched my perspectives.

Austin and I read it over Christmas break, as we were neck deep in corralling our munchkins, 24/7, trying to keep some semblance of order and routine.

She begins her writing by weaving together some beautiful humans from history, metaphors, and scripture:

"...curious threads run through all of us, strands of personality and possibility and purpose that are present from the very inception of our lives. Some of us grab hold of those threads and wave together a lace of life that reflects what we are meant to be."

"We (parents) are tasked with taking threads of life in our children and helping shape them as a dwelling for the Spirit of God."

"We are all, each of us, an original. The Divine Lacemaker gathers His similar threads for life and weaves them anew for every human brought to existence. And when He makes us parents, He invites us to participate in that miraculous process..." 

The thought that we are to join God on the journey of raising our unique offsprings makes the task feel less daunting. Realizing that we were given this child, at this time in history, with this one-of-a-kind personality and purpose, makes parenting each child a fascinating honor. I've always been one to sort of get this, but Carr's book emphasizes this point even more, and for the two weeks we were home with the boys, my eyes were trained more carefully on watching them approach life.

One thing that she does not ignore is our role or perceived role as a parent. Don't expect your kids to do what you did. Don't live vicariously through them. Don't expect them to shoulder our burdens. There's a few chapters in here where Carr basically sits you down, leans in, and in a stern (but loving) voice says, "Listen here. Parenting is hard. But it's not about you. So throw that all out. Get on board with God's design. Period." I love it. Don't beat around the bush with me. Serious soul-searching. And it instigated powerful discussions about our expectations for our boys, whether they are healthy or not.

She uses  the DiSC personality assessment as a tool for observing and coaching our children's unique personalities.Through reading her book, we discovered (it was pretty obvious) that our oldest is a "Director" (Dominance) personality. While our youngest hasn't quite hit two yet and is a little young for the test, we are fairly certain he is the "Inspirer" (Influencer). This means he has all the feelings, all the time, with abundance. So as we played DinoTrux and Paw Patrol for the millionth time, I stopped fighting against Eli's directives and encouraged Ezra's excitement. Those threads are meant to be woven carefully, pulled in the same direction as the child, so to speak, rather than fighting in a battle of tug-o-war. The DiSC assessment was also reflective because Austin and I looked at our own personalities, and realized we essentially have one of each type in our home, making for a raucous, vibrant, and sometimes challenging home.

Carr's book is so tender, so authentic, so practical, so challenging--all the things that parenting entails. Her love for her family and her reader spills off the pages and is such an encouragement. We can successfully and gracefully equip our children in God's purpose for their lives with tenderness and intentionality.