Go Set A Watchman: Realizations

Adulting. Growing up. Learning who we are and what we stand for. This transition can be rough, it can take years, and often times what we thought was real ends up not.

Lee's novel is a return to Maycomb, but this time it's different. Jean Louise (Scout) is older, her father's deteriorating health is more evident, and the town continues to put pressures on Jean Louise to conform to the Southern expectations of decorum.

My favorite part of this novel is her relationship with Henry Clinton; in fact, he's my favorite character. He's an ambitious, honest, hard worker who has, through the tutelage of Atticus, brought himself into a respectable position in the community. He understands the ins and outs of Maycomb, the tensions of race and status, and what matters. And he is hopelessly (and perhaps, unfortunately) in love with Jean Louise.

But the story is really about Scout, who is transitioning to a new place. She doesn't understand the people around her, the slowness and "blindness" of the South to move forward. She feels totally out of place, abandoned, and betrayed at the end of the novel and realizes that the one person she trusted, idolized even, to be nothing short of perfect, is different than she imagined:

"What stood behind her, the most potent and moral force in her life, was the love of her father. She never questioned it, never thought about it, never even realized that before she made any decision of importance the reflex, "What would Atticus do?" pass through her unconscious...she did not know that she worshiped him."

And it was time for her to think her own thoughts, as we all must do as we grow and experience life. While I don't think this novel is as well written or engaging as To Kill a Mockingbird, I love that we get to experience another chapter in Scout and Atticus' life in Maycomb.

Unexpected: Beyond Limitations

I am, unfortunately, very critical of myself. It drives my husband nuts because I can tear myself down with a smile on my face. And I don't even realize I'm doing it. There are weaknesses, dark spots, areas that are broken and scarred in my heart and soul, but God doesn't want those to remain that way. He is a Healer.

Christine tells the story of the lame man in the Bible, and when Jesus encounters him, asks, "Do you want to be healed?" (John 5). Kind of a crazy question to ask someone who is sick, like, "Hey bro, I know you've got that bad flu, do you really want to get better?" Um, yes.

However, the crippled man, instead of saying "YES!" gave an excuse. Yeah, the Creator of the Universe, the Messiah, is standing in front of him and he gives an excuse as to why he isn't whole. We do that to. "Jesus knows it's so easy for us to grow accustomed to our limitations--to be defined by them, to make allowances for them--and not really want to pay the price of change. He knows how easy it is for us to settle for where we are and to live a smaller life than what he's called us to." It's easier to stay where we are, to not dig deep and let Jesus repair our brokenness, fill the holes.

And yet, "When Jesus poses his unexpected question to us, we have a choice to make. We can focus on our limitations and problems, or embrace the miraculous possibility he offers us. We can run away saying a loud no, or run forward proclaiming a loud yes."

I want to embrace that choice and proclaim YES! Whether it be working in my soul, my relationships, my children, my career...I want to confront fear, weakness, disillusionment and charge forward in faith and healing. Doesn't that sound awesome? Will it be tough? But "when did God say that it would be easy? When did he say it would be effortless?"

"Closed doors do not mean that God is not opening a way. 
Increased cost does not mean that God is not calling.
The presence of battle does not mean the absence of God in the war.
Trials don't mean we are out of the will of God. In fact, they often mean we are precisely in the center of God's will....When we say yes to God--to the dreams and ideas he places in our hearts--the roads are often winding, uphill, uncharted, and full of pot-holes" but it is ALWAYS worth it. Always. 

Unexpected: Choose Faith Instead of Fear

There has, so far, been one book (besides God's Book) that has powerfully shifted the way I see life. The book rocked me to my core, turning my expectations upside down and changing the entire trajectory and action of my life. That book was Radical by David Platt.

People, this next book is going to rival that book for the amount of influence it has in my life:

Introducing, Unexpected by Christine Caine. 

I LOVE the how she reaches into the dark places of my soul, naming fear, anxiety, and heartache, and shedding such radiant light and hope. Beautiful, heart-breaking, powerful stories showing the unpredictable pain of life, but also how to overcome. In our lives we will face obstacles, set-backs, break-downs, and illness. We know it. And yet it always seems to surprise us. How are we supposed to cope? We all wrestle with these pains, they just look different from person to person: denial, anxiety, hurting others, substances, or self-sabotage.

But there's a different way. A better way.

Christine Caine believes "with all [her] heart that it's possible for every Christian to learn how to live with a faith so confident in God, it can't be shaken--even when the ground underneath is giving way." Because this world is not steady, not predictable, filled with the unexpected. But, "Imagine the difference....If we learned to do the unexpected while facing the unexpected. What if we believed instead of feared in the face of the unknown? What if we courageously moved through loss and disappointment, believing God has purpose for it on the other side? What if we got up every day believe God for the best, knowing we might possibly encounter the worst?"

When we face the unexpected, whether it be betrayal of a friend, the hurt of a diagnosis, the uneasiness of our future, we have a choice: Walk in faith? Or walk in fear? While the events of our lives are often out of our control, we can choose how to respond. "We either feed fear or we feed faith, and [we have] the power to choose which one [to] feed." So let's feed and grow and live in faith! It doesn't mean fear goes away. But that fear has no control.

"And no matter what kind of bubble we try to construct to manage our safety and security--physically, financially, or spiritually--trials and tribulations are going to come just as Jesus warned us. And in our humanness, we will try to control everything--including God. Yet, we serve a God who refuses to be controlled by us. That's because part of the mystery and adventure of following Jesus is to trust him no matter what is going on around us." 

There is so much more from just the first few chapters that I want to share with you...but I hope you are able to pick up this perspective-changing book yourself and see how you can live through the unexpected in faith.

Love Does: Life is an Adventure

So often we try to complicate and control every tiny detail of our lives. I'm that way. I crave control, planning, order. But that's an exhausting (and unrealistic) way to live life. We can't control everything, we don't know how things will work out, and we don't always know exactly the path God has for us. If we require prescience before we act, we will live a paralyzed life.

Bob shows us in this book that really, life is about making our best guess, trusting Jesus and who he says he is, and going for it. If we can just "be Awesome" like Jesus' humble, yet powerful example, we will make God happy, no matter what we do. 

"In a world driven by self-promotion and spin, Jesus modeled something different for us. Jesus was saying that instead of telling people about what we're doing all the time, there's a better way. One that doesn't require any (superhero) capes that can get snagged on something--something like ourselves. Maybe Jesus wants us to be secretly incredible instead. That was His plan for self-promotion. Secretly incredible people keep what they do one of God's best kept secrets because the only one who needs to know, the God of the universe, already knows."

"We don't always know where He's (God) is headed or what to expect along the way. But I think direction is the point, the part, and the whole of it. He wants followers, not just onlookers or people taking notes." 

Basically, let's do awesome things without expecting or wanting the roaring of applause in our ears. Let's do wonderful things for people because that's just what we do. We may not know how our plans will work out, or why exactly we feel we are supposed to do or say something, but if we are saying "yes" to God and following his example, He will make masterpieces of our scribbles.

My kids. As they soar into the furthest reaches of space. :-) Whimsy in motion.

My kids call my "Boss Lady," because, that's right, I'm in charge. But I think it's important that I don't see myself as the end-all-be-all of my life. That's a heavy burden to bear, one that often puts me flat on my face with it's weight. I love Bob's approach to life: adventurous, effervescent, joyful. I'm learning in my day to day life that those qualities are magnetic and contagious. They attract people; they make people feel loved; they reveal the real Jesus. And that's powerful.

Pure Genius: Be KIND, CURIOUS, & CREATIVE

"I am not an educational expert; rather, I am a passionate educator who wants to bring about positive and meaningful change." 

Me, too, Don Wettrick! Me, too!

"I challenge myself to pick up new skills that will make an impact on my students and feed my own curiosity."

Me, too, Don Wettrick! Me, too!

Since introducing 20Time several years ago, I've struggled with students to help them find what they are passionate about; we've dug deep to help unearth creativity; I've shaped and reshaped my project expectations trying to find the BEST practice; and I've also gotten frustrated about the stuck and stagnant mindsets of both students and the education world. Wettrick talks about in his book that "constraints lead to creativity." Well, that is definitely true. The reality of our current system is "Teachers must be innovative in their approach to teaching, learning, and designing new experiences" because the standardized tests, mandated learning standards, and politically oscillating world are not going to end anytime soon. There are so many constraints put on teachers (and students) in the educational journey, that we are going to have to get creative if we are going to develop innovative problem solvers instead of good test takers.

In the early chapters of this book, Wettrick encourages us to create a culture of creativity and
innovation, "find the key concept for your class." I realized that the three underlying emphases in my lesson plans, relationships with students, and ideas for the future, revolve around KINDNESS, CURIOSITY, and CREATIVITY (which are essentially what the signs on my door to my classroom say--what a fabulous coincidence!). I want students to be good people, really listening to others; I want them to ask questions and pursue ideas; and I want them to make the world a better place by innovatively solving problems. This also explains why I get so frustrated with standardized tests: they can't measure these fundamental ideas.

I'm only halfway through the book, but here's what I want to do in my classroom:

• Start the year in a creative and challenging way: maybe build Rube Goldberg machines the first week; watch TED Talks; something that encourages my 3 key concepts. 
• Also, starting the year with smaller 20Time projects so they understand what the process looks like before we devote an entire semester to one project. Maybe in the fall students do one 20Time Project per month, allowing them to try out different passions they have, not feeling like that have to get locked into one idea, and teaching them how to ask engaging questions, manage time, and present well. 
• Students choose the standards they are going to work on. Or they develop the expectations for what a "Mastery level" or "Exceeds Expectations" project looks like for each standards. I love the idea that they tell me how they are going to be assessed and what those standards look like. 

I'm so pumped to continue reading this book and making my classroom and my students better:

"Is education about earning a grade, or is it really about fostering learning and creative engagement? We need to put the focus on the process of creativity and development, not on earning a grade for compliance." 

YES. YES. YES. 

More places to pursue these ideas:
Daniel Pink's TED Talk "The Puzzle of Motivation"
Tina Seelig's book, inGenius
Creative Confidence by Tom and David Kelly of IDEO

Problem of Pain: The End and Beginning

You guys, this book took me F.O.R.E.V.E.R. to get through, however, it closes in such a sweet, warm gentleness, that it was completely worth it. 

C.S. Lewis spends this whole book working through the complicated issues of pain, sin, humanity, repentance, and love. We wrestle with that age-old question of how could a Good God allow his creation to suffer? And while there is no real, simple answer, essentially Lewis concludes that it is because of our free, independent, and often arrogant soul that causes us pain, along with the cohabitation with other free, independent and often arrogant souls. Additionally, it is through pain that we recognize our need for our Creator and Savior.

However, Lewis reminds us that "Our Father refreshes us on the journey with some pleasant inns, but will not encourage us to mistake them for home." His final chapter breathes sweet tellings of heaven. All the pain is nothing compared to the incredible experience heaven will be (Romans 8:18). And while he feels that "there have been times when I think we do not desire heaven; but more often I find myself wondering whether, in our heart of hearts, we have ever desired anything else."

If indeed there is a Good God, and if indeed he is our Creator, and if indeed we recognize when our experiences give us miraculous glimpses of heaven, we can perhaps recognize that there must be some beautiful place of healing, wholeness, and union. And what an encouragement that is! 

Problem of Pain: What Love Means

Put your thigh-high waders on, people, we are going deep. C.S. Lewis writes this stunningly powerful essay that attempts to reconcile "if the universe is so bad, or even half so bad, how on earth did human beings ever come to attribute it to the activity of a wise and good Creator?" Basically, how could a benevolent God allow suffering and pain? I think that no matter what a person's personal faith journey is, it's likely they've considered this question.

He offers amazing insight; here is one of my favorites:

"When pain is to be borne, a little courage helps more than much knowledge, a little human sympathy more than much course, and the least tincture of the love of God more than all."

One of the challenges that we have with a good God is that there is pain in the world. How could he allow us to suffer if he loved us so much? Well, C.S. Lewis points that exact fact out: "You asked for a loving God: you have one. The great spirit you so lightly invoked, the 'lord of terrible aspect', is present: not a senile benevolence that drowsily wishes you to be happy in your own way, not the cold philanthropy of a conscientious magistrate, nor the care of a host who feels responsible for the comfort of his guests, but the consuming fire Himself, the Love that made the worlds, persistent as the artist's love for his work and despotic as a man's love for a dog, provident and venerable as a father's love for a child, jealous, inexorable, exacting as love between the sexes."

I LOVE my children, therefore I have high expectations for them, sometimes causing them the discomfort of discipline.
I LOVE my husband, therefore I expect that he remain constant, faithful, present and would incredibly heartbroken if he wasn't.
I LOVE my students and have high standards for them to be empathetic and hardworking, and feel frustrated when they aren't.
I LOVE my family and so when they go down paths that aren't beneficial, I feel drawn to call it out, even in the pain of hurt feelings--but so they may have abundant life.

Lewis reminds us that "Love is something more stern and splendid than mere kindness" and that "our 'happiness' is not the end God chiefly has in view: but when we are such as He can love us without impediment, we shall in fact be happy." I discovered this idea a few years ago and it has helped me see my life as a series of trials, of tests, of refinements of my character and faith. Junky days don't happen because God is mean or Satan is riding my tail--my loving God is trying to get me to rise above, respond in grace, exercise patience, extend mercy. Sometimes I do OK, sometimes, not so much.

While knowing this doesn't make life EASIER, it does make like seem more PURPOSEFUL. And that is the beauty of knowing this LOVING Creator.

Start With Why: My Version; What's Yours?

Why do you do what you do? For some, like my husband, this is a fairly easy question to answer. He wants to "make things awesome." For me, I struggled to articulate it. Partly because I'm an English teacher and perfectionist and I didn't feel like my vocabulary accurately expressed it. But partly because I thought it was way more complex that it actually is for me. But it's a REALLY important question.

Simon Sinek's book "speaks to me," as he suggests we say when our worldview matches someone else's. I love it. My blog is called "Heart Deep" because I want to focus on the root, the foundation, the meaningful, and that's what his book is all about: starting with your cause, your purpose, your WHY. What is so powerful about The Golden Circle is that the WHY can be consistent and unchanging, and yet the WHATs can be numerous. Sinek says "a WHY never changes." So no matter WHAT you do, if you have a strong sense of WHY, you can be a leader, start a movement, feel successful.

So here's my Golden Circle in a nutshell:
WHY: to make the world a better place by giving people something to be passionate about
HOW: doing the right thing; expecting top results; think outside and challenge the norm; take risks
WHAT: English teacher, Hope Acres Owner, church volunteer, mom/wife (and future Joanna Gaines of Ash Grove...*wink wink*)

This is why I do things like run a equestrian program: give people an opportunity to be passionate about horses. Why buy Toms shoes: my purchase helps to make the world a better place. This is the reason I started doing 20Time in my classes: inspire kids to be passionate about something. It's why I donate money to organizations like Compassion and A21: I am hoping, through them, to make someone's world better. And is why I get frustrated when people are destructive to others: they are not making the world better and I want them to be compassionate.

Why is the WHY important?

"Those with an ability to never lose sight of WHY, no matter how little or how much they achieve, can inspire us. Those with the ability to never lose sight of WHY and also achieve the milestones that keep everyone focused in the right direction are the great leaders. For great leaders, The Golden Circle is in balance. They are in pursuit of WHY, they hold themselves accountable to HOW they do it and WHAT they do serves as the tangible proof of what they believe." -Simon Sinek

To me: It's about inspiring others. It's about using your time on Earth well. It's about about being successful. It's about being a person who lives with conviction and influence. It's about leaving a legacy and making a difference.

But that's just me. I would LOVE to hear your WHY! What gets you pumped? Why do you do what you do? Please leave a comment and share!

Raising an Original

Raising an Original by Julie Lyles Carr was a profound and fun read! Her witty style and large family make for entertaining tales that stretched my perspectives.

Austin and I read it over Christmas break, as we were neck deep in corralling our munchkins, 24/7, trying to keep some semblance of order and routine.

She begins her writing by weaving together some beautiful humans from history, metaphors, and scripture:

"...curious threads run through all of us, strands of personality and possibility and purpose that are present from the very inception of our lives. Some of us grab hold of those threads and wave together a lace of life that reflects what we are meant to be."

"We (parents) are tasked with taking threads of life in our children and helping shape them as a dwelling for the Spirit of God."

"We are all, each of us, an original. The Divine Lacemaker gathers His similar threads for life and weaves them anew for every human brought to existence. And when He makes us parents, He invites us to participate in that miraculous process..." 

The thought that we are to join God on the journey of raising our unique offsprings makes the task feel less daunting. Realizing that we were given this child, at this time in history, with this one-of-a-kind personality and purpose, makes parenting each child a fascinating honor. I've always been one to sort of get this, but Carr's book emphasizes this point even more, and for the two weeks we were home with the boys, my eyes were trained more carefully on watching them approach life.

One thing that she does not ignore is our role or perceived role as a parent. Don't expect your kids to do what you did. Don't live vicariously through them. Don't expect them to shoulder our burdens. There's a few chapters in here where Carr basically sits you down, leans in, and in a stern (but loving) voice says, "Listen here. Parenting is hard. But it's not about you. So throw that all out. Get on board with God's design. Period." I love it. Don't beat around the bush with me. Serious soul-searching. And it instigated powerful discussions about our expectations for our boys, whether they are healthy or not.

She uses  the DiSC personality assessment as a tool for observing and coaching our children's unique personalities.Through reading her book, we discovered (it was pretty obvious) that our oldest is a "Director" (Dominance) personality. While our youngest hasn't quite hit two yet and is a little young for the test, we are fairly certain he is the "Inspirer" (Influencer). This means he has all the feelings, all the time, with abundance. So as we played DinoTrux and Paw Patrol for the millionth time, I stopped fighting against Eli's directives and encouraged Ezra's excitement. Those threads are meant to be woven carefully, pulled in the same direction as the child, so to speak, rather than fighting in a battle of tug-o-war. The DiSC assessment was also reflective because Austin and I looked at our own personalities, and realized we essentially have one of each type in our home, making for a raucous, vibrant, and sometimes challenging home.

Carr's book is so tender, so authentic, so practical, so challenging--all the things that parenting entails. Her love for her family and her reader spills off the pages and is such an encouragement. We can successfully and gracefully equip our children in God's purpose for their lives with tenderness and intentionality.